


I'm Lost In You

by matildajones



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bodyswap, Comatose Stiles Stilinski, M/M, POV Alternating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-06-29 01:48:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15719427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matildajones/pseuds/matildajones
Summary: He knows he should move but a part of him still feels paralyzed. He has clear feelings of not being able to move his body, of not being able to even blink.“Oh my god,” Stiles says, and he clambers to his feet, feeling dizzy. He easily finds a mirror in the room and then the most gorgeous eyes stare back at him. They’re a sea-green instead of the normal brown that he’s used to.He’s looking at his soulmate.--Stiles wakes up in his soulmate's body, on his twenty-second birthday, with blurry memories of the past year. Derek doesn't wake up at all.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [i feel you in every heartbeat](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1152887) by [warlocks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/warlocks/pseuds/warlocks). 



> So this fic was inspired by [i feel you in every heartbeat](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1152887) by warlocks. It's an older fic in the fandom but I reread it and of course something a little more angsty popped into my head.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!! This story is just for fun and I've tried not to obsess over it too much. I'm just trying to get back into writing again.

 Stiles opens his eyes and he doesn’t know how to breathe. The room he’s in is mostly dark but there’s a soft light coming from nearby. The walls are a deep green and he sees glow in the dark stars pressed to the ceiling, like they’ve been there a long time. He’s in a bedroom, lying on a bed, but he doesn’t know where he is. He doesn’t know how he got here.

 “Do you think it’s happened?”

 “Shh, just wait.”

 Stiles’ heart beats faster when he hears the unfamiliar voices outside the door. He knows he should move but a part of him still feels paralyzed. He has clear feelings of not being able to move his body, of not being able to even _blink_ , and he remembers swirling voices and weird dreams.

 He remembers being in pain, but now, he’s not.

 Stiles forces himself to sit up. He can hear giggling outside and Stiles takes in a few breaths, his memories slowly, slowly coming back to him. He should be in a hospital – not here. He shouldn’t be able to move.

 He looks at his hands and it takes a moment for him to realize that they’re not his. His hands are too big, and his fingers too short.

 “Oh my god,” Stiles says, and he clambers to his feet, feeling dizzy. He easily finds a mirror in the room and then the most gorgeous eyes stare back at him. They’re a sea-green instead of the normal brown that he’s used to.

 He’s looking at his _soulmate_.

 Stiles’ lips twitch into a hesitant smile. He rubs unfamiliar fingers over the stubble on his cheek, over his soft, thin lips. The body he’s in is tall and built and Stiles is _lucky_. His soulmate is stunning. He really wants to know the man’s name.

 The body swap is supposed to happen on your twenty-second birthday, at the minute you and your soulmate were born. He blinks in the mirror, the thick eyebrows on his face scrunching up in confusion.

 He’s not twenty-two. He’s not even fucking twenty-one. Suddenly, the fuzzy memories of the hospital and the doctors and his father visiting him become clearer. The memories of not being able to fucking move or think or _wake up_ crash down on him and Stiles lets out a whimper.

 “Oh my god. Why are they taking so long? I’m going in.”

 “Laura!”

 Stiles braces himself and sucks in a few breaths through his teeth. He knows he looks startled when the door slowly opens and more light pours into the room.

 “Hello,” says the woman. She bites her lip.

 “Um, hi,” Stiles says. He blinks in surprise at the softness of his voice.

 “I’m Laura,” she says. “Your soulmate’s sister. Come on, everyone is waiting for you!” She reaches for his arm and pulls him forward. Stiles has no choice but to follow and then he’s standing in front of a large family of about ten.

 His eyes widen in shock. He doesn’t say anything – his head is dizzy and the body he’s in feels awkward and too big.

 “So,” Laura says. “Do you know him?”

 “W-what?” Stiles says.

 “Your _soulmate_. Do you know him?”

 “Oh,” Stiles says, and the rest of the family looks at him expectantly. There are so many eyes on him and all the younger ones are whispering to each other excitedly. “No. I don’t know him.” He fidgets and twists his fingers together. “What’s his name?”

 “Derek.”

 “Derek,” he repeats. He likes the sound of that. The name feels good on his tongue. “I’m Stiles.”

 They all smile at him and Stiles clenches his hands by his side. It feels so weird to even _move,_ to be standing on two feet. Everyone dreams of the day they swap bodies with their soulmate, the first day of the rest of their lives.

 He knows something isn’t right, but he doesn’t know how to tell this family that.

 “I’m Talia, Derek’s mother,” a woman says, stepping forward. She smiles kindly, her eyes crinkling at the corners, and she opens her arms. Stiles awkwardly steps into them, but then he can’t remember the last time he touched another body. He lets Talia hug him and his eyes sting. He sees all these people and all he wants is to see his father.

 “It’s nice to meet you,” he says, and then he’s overwhelmed when everyone introduces themselves to him. Stiles can’t remember any of their names and then Laura punches him lightly on the arm and grins.

 “Welcome to the family,” she says, and Stiles tries to smile back at her.

 “Would you like some tea?” Talia says. “I told Derek that he should call us as soon as he wakes up. We can wait for him here and you can tell us about yourself.”

 Stiles nods and he’s glad to finally take a seat. He feels better with a warm drink in his belly, and a part of him hopes that the phone will ring at any minute. If the phone rings then there’s nothing wrong with the body he just left. Maybe he’ll figure out why he can only remember a few painful flashes of his life in the last year.

He answers their questions, still slightly disoriented, and he can’t bring himself to tell them that something might be wrong. That there might be something wrong with _him_. Today is the day Stiles is supposed to meet his soulmate – but the phone never rings.

 Stiles stands up. “Can I make a call?”

 Talia smiles. “Sure. Derek’s phone will be in his bedroom – you can use the fingerprint scanner to get in.”

 “Thanks,” Stiles says, grateful she’s giving him an excuse to be alone. He closes the door to the bedroom and presses his back against it, reminding himself to breathe. He feels so unsure, this body taking up more space, with each step not what he’s used to.

 Stiles closes his eyes and slowly counts to one hundred. He feels more and more like himself and when he has the courage he opens his eyes again. He spots the phone on the bedside table and it looks like a later version of the iPhone.

 He finds the fingerprint scanner – his phone certainly doesn’t have that – and then he types in his father’s number.

 “ _We’re sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected and is no longer in service. If you –”_

 “Fuck,” he says, eyes stinging again. He only has one other number memorized. He enters the number with shaking hands, not sure what he’s supposed to do if this doesn’t work. He feels a little better when the phone actually starts to ring and then he hears a careful _hello._

 “Scott?” Stiles says, letting out a relieved laugh. “Thank God. It’s Stiles.”

 He hears Scott swear. “Oh my god – it’s you. Is it really you?”

 “It’s me,” he says faintly.

 “If this is some kind of joke –”

 “Scott,” he says, almost desperately. “I promise you it’s me. I don’t know what’s happening. I just woke up – and I don’t – I don’t remember much. Where are you?”

 “Stiles, oh my god – you have no idea – we hoped something like this would happen, but I didn’t think it actually would,” he says, laughing and crying all at once. Stiles’ lip trembles because all this is doing is confirming the worst. “I didn’t think I’d ever hear your voice again – not that it’s your voice.”

  _I didn’t think I’d ever hear your voice again._ Stiles feels hot tears escape his eyes and he’s close to panicking.

 “Scott,” he says, voice choked. “Please. Where are you?”

 “I’m at the hospital just in case something happened here. Your dad is at home. Where are you?”

 “I – I don’t know.”

 “Come as soon as you can,” Scott pleads. “I’ll let your dad know that you called.”

 “I’ll try and come home,” Stiles says, and he hopes that he’s not in freaking Switzerland. He hears Scott start to speak again but Stiles isn’t sure if he can handle it. He hangs up the phone and sits on the bed, placing his head between his knees.

 It suddenly occurs to him that he’s running out of time. If Scott thought they’d never speak again, then today is all that he has. He needs to see so many people – he needs to see his _dad_ – he can’t just sit around panicking.

 He looks in the mirror and tries not to look like he's been crying. He doesn’t want to worry his soulmate’s family.

 Laura and Talia are both waiting for him, and they smile when they see him.

 “Where are we?” he says breathlessly.

 “Beacon Hills, California,” Talia says.

 Stiles breathes out, relieved. “That’s good. That’s where I’m from.” He starts to fidget and wonders how much he should say. He knows that his body – his real body – must be in the hospital. “I talked to my friend, I need to go home.”

 Talia presses her lips together and Laura looks at him suspiciously. “Is that where Derek is? Did you talk to him?”

 Stiles blinks and shakes his head. “No, no I didn’t get to talk to him. But I need to go home.”

 Laura stands. “You’re sure as hell not going by yourself. I’ll drive you.”

 “Okay,” Stiles says, “Thanks.”

 “Call us with any news?” Talia says, and Laura nods.

  They get up and walk towards the door. Stiles pauses before he leaves and turns to see his soulmate’s family, still looking at him eagerly. Something tells him that he might not see them again but all he can do is smile and wave.

∞

 Stiles can’t help but look in the mirror as soon as they’re in a black, sleek car. His eyes are wide in this stranger’s face and he runs his fingers over his skin again. Laura snorts beside him.

 “Yeah, he’s handsome, isn’t he?” she says.

 Stiles feels his cheeks go red. “Yeah,” he mumbles back.

 “Are _you_ good looking?” Laura says, starting the engine. Stiles laughs awkwardly. “I’m going to take that as a no. But I’m sure Derek will think you look nice.”

 “Gee, thanks,” Stiles mutters, and Laura laughs.

 “So, where are we off to?” she asks.

 Stiles takes a breath in and gives her the address. He doesn’t want to tell her that something is wrong, but the way she keeps on glancing at him makes him feel like she suspects something. He looks out the window and feels a little bit better when he sees shops and streets that he recognizes.

 “Derek’s normally much more still,” Laura comments.

 “What?” Stiles says, and then he realizes he’s wringing his fingers together and bouncing his leg up and down. “Oh.”

 Laura laughs.

 Stiles hesitates. “What – what’s he like?”

 “Honestly,” Laura says. “He’s a bit of a grump. But he’s smart and he’s got a good heart.”

 Stiles smiles to himself.

 “He’s just as nervous to meet you,” Laura says. “He’s been looking forward to today since he was a kid, and the whole family has been excited.”

 “Your family is much bigger than mine,” he says quietly. “It’s just me and my dad.”

 “Well, if things go well then you’ll have us too,” Laura tells him kindly.

 Stiles smiles gratefully at her, and then he’s filled with nerves again. He has to consciously keep breathing as they drive into his street, as they pull up in front of his house, as he sees his father there, waiting on the porch.

 Stiles rushes out of the car, his heart beating wildly. “Dad?” he croaks. John stares at him and Stiles forgets that he must look like a stranger. “Dad,” he says again. “It’s me.”

 “ _Stiles_ ,” he says, and within seconds they’re clutching at each other’s clothes. Stiles’ eyes are blurry with tears as he presses his face into his John’s neck. “Oh god. I didn’t think this would happen, but I hoped that today I would get to see you.”

 Stiles’ head spins, trying to process it all as he stands there and hugs his father. Eventually, one of them pulls back and John gives him an odd look.

 “Wow, look at the soulmate you’ve got for yourself, son,” he says.

 Stiles feels his cheeks going red. “Um, I mean, he’s okay looking.”

 His dad smirks at him, and then his mouth quivers. He grips Stiles’ shoulders. “It’s good to see you son, even if you don’t look like you. It’s been a long time. But you’re here – _you’re here._ I can get one more day with you.”

 Stiles swallows and he looks down. One more day. It’s so final. It’s one more day for him to live his life and then he has to go back… back to nothing.

 “I don’t mean to interrupt,” Laura says from behind them. “But what the hell is going on?”

 Stiles startles at her words, and he can’t meet her gaze. He doesn’t really know what’s going on, he doesn’t know the details.

 “This is Derek’s sister,” Stiles says. “My soulmate’s sister.”

 “Oh,” John says. He holds out a hand. “Nice to meet you.”

 Laura carefully reaches out and shakes his hand. Then she narrows her eyes. “Now where is my brother?”

∞

 They arrive at the hospital and Stiles follows his father from the car and through the familiar corridors to the hospital room. He immediately thinks of when he was a kid, trying to put on a brave face as he visited his dying mother.

 Stiles can’t stop the stab of guilt he feels for making his father go through all this again.

 “So, I’m just… lying in there?” Stiles says, pointing half-heartedly towards the door. His father nods. “What happened to me?”

 “Car accident,” he says. “You’re just sleeping. Been sleeping for a while now.”

 “Yeah,” Stiles says, because he can do the math. He pauses outside the room and it’s Laura who takes his hand and squeezes. He’s surprised when she smiles at him, and then she slowly opens the door.

 His eyes immediately fall to the bed and his body is there, unconscious and still. Stiles clenches his teeth together and he can hear the monitor beep, can see his pale skin, his too thin frame. His eyes are closed and it doesn’t look like someone just sleeping.

 “Stiles!”

 Stiles jerks, broken out of his thoughts, and then someone’s arms are holding him tight.

 “I hope I’m hugging the right person.”

 “Scott?” Stiles says, and then he’s choking back a laugh. “Hi.”

 Scott beams when he pulls back. There are tears gathered in his eyes, and he’s still gripping Stiles’ arms. “Wow,” he says. “I can’t believe I don’t recognize your soulmate. You look kind of scary.”

 Stiles huffs. “I think he looks nice.”

 Scott smiles. “I’m sure you do.”

 Stiles’ eyes drift to his body again. “He’s trapped in there, isn’t he?”

 John grimaces, but really, Stiles is the only one who knows what Derek might be experiencing. Sometimes he has a vague idea of who is around him, sometimes he can hear people talking, sometimes it’s painful, and then other times he’s lost in strange, frustrating dreams as his subconscious tries to make sense of everything.

 “There’s nothing you can do about it,” Scott says, and then he’s hugging Stiles again. It’s warm and comforting, but the embrace is different to what he remembers now that he’s in a slightly bigger body. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

 Stiles blinks back his tears. It hurts to know what happened to him, to know that at this rate he’s never going to wake up. He feels sorry for Derek. This day should be one of the best days of his life but instead he’s stuck in Stiles’ body.

 He glances at his body again and it’s weird to see himself from this perspective, to see the moles on his face and his slightly too long hair.

 Laura steps next to him. “I’m sorry,” she says, voice low.

 “Me too,” he says.

 “Is he okay?” she whispers.

 Stiles looks at her. Derek’s most likely not okay. But he nods anyway because Scott and his dad are watching, because he doesn’t want them to know that being in that hospital bed is like being trapped.

 Laura breathes out and smiles. She walks over to the bed and gently takes Stiles’ hand – his real hand – and sits down.

 “I’ll look after him. You go and enjoy the sunshine, go and enjoy the day with your friends,” she says.

 “Are – are you sure?” Stiles says.

 She nods, and Stiles looks at her gratefully. He doesn’t want to be in this hospital anymore.

 “I’ll look after your brother,” Stiles promises her. “I mean, I’ll look after his body.”

 Laura raises an eyebrow. “You’d better.”

 Stiles grins at her. He would have liked to get to know her, but he’s only got so much time today and he wants to spend it with Scott and his dad.

 “Just be back before your bodies switch back,” she says. “Please.”

 Stiles nods, and as he turns towards his family he wonders what people are supposed to do when they only have one day left to live.

∞

 His favourite restaurant sits on the street corner and it still looks the same. They order too much food and they talk about everything, knowing there’s not enough time. Scott’s soulmate is a woman named Kira. Lydia is studying at Cambridge and Stiles’ heart is heavy when they can’t get her on the phone.

 His dad tells him, carefully, that he’s dating Melissa.

 “Wow,” Stiles teases. “I thought it would never happen.”

 “Oh, come on,” John says. “She should be here soon.”

 Stiles smiles at him, trying to hide his relief. He’s glad his dad won’t be alone, even though with every story it feels like life has gone on without him.

 Melissa arrives and her arms are immediately around him, hugging him until he feels like he might burst. When she pulls back there are tears flying down her face and Stiles wonders what it’s like for them, for his friends, to look at him and see a different body.

 “I’m so happy you’re here, Stiles. It’s a miracle that your soulmate can do this for you.”

 Stiles bites his lip. “Yeah, but it’s not like I can do anything for him.”

 Melissa smiles weakly. “You can’t help that.”

 Stiles looks down at his feet and then checks the time. It’s slowly running out.

∞

 He visits his mother’s grave and wonders how soon he’ll end up in the ground beside her. Stiles is already as good as dead.

 Stiles wipes away a stray tear and turns to his dad. “I’m sorry,” he says.

 John’s confused frown shows off his wrinkles. “What for? You didn’t do anything, Stiles. There was a drunk driver.”

 Stiles breathes in the fresh air, feels the sunlight on the back of his neck. “I’m sorry for putting you through all this again.”

 “Stiles…”

 “Dad,” he says, stumbling towards him. “You have to promise me that you’ll look after yourself. You’d better live a freaking long time – one of us has to.”

 John huffs. “I’ll try my best.”

 Stiles breathes out. “Good.”

 They walk side by side back to the car and then drive back to the house. The sky is orange and pink and his friends have some dinner ready. Stiles tries to laugh and smile and hide the unease settling in his stomach.

 He’s never going to wake up.

 He’s never going to meet his soulmate. He’s never going to see his family again.

 “I want to go back to the hospital,” he says, hours later, after they’ve spent the evening talking and laughing and ignoring what’s in front of them.

 “You sure?” Scott asks.

 “Yeah,” Stiles says, voice hoarse. He clenches his fists. “I only have a couple of hours left. I want to talk to him.”

 Scott bites his lip. “Will he be able to hear you?”

 Stiles shrugs. “Probably not.”

 Stiles could hear things when he was asleep – how else would he know that something was so very wrong when he woke up? But he doesn’t want Scott to know that. He doesn’t want Scott to waste his time visiting Stiles. He doesn’t want Scott to feel guilty when life inevitably gets too busy and he can’t visit the hospital as often.

 Scott looks at him and Stiles braces himself for the question. “What’s it like in there?” He pauses. “Does it hurt?”

 Stiles looks back. He wonders if his friend can tell that he’s lying when he’s in a completely different body. “No,” he says. “I don’t feel anything.”

 Scott’s smile is relieved. “Good.”

∞

 “Hey,” Stiles says, and he gets no reply. He snorts. “So, uh, we’re soulmates. I don’t really know how that works if we don’t ever get to meet each other, but um, thank you. I can’t say that today has been a good day for me but it’s been a good day for my dad and my friends. They get to see me one last time.”

 Stiles sits down on the chair that’s furthest away from the bed. Looking at his own pale, sunken face is too much. But he’s glad he’s finally alone again, and in front of his soulmate, he doesn’t have to pretend.

 “I think you can hear me,” he says quietly. “But I’m not sure if you understand me. God, it must be weird to hear the sound of your own voice coming from my mouth.”

 Stiles holds a piece of paper in his hands. He slips it into the pocket of Derek’s jacket.

 “I wrote you a letter. It’s not a very good one because I didn’t have much time,” he says. “But it’s the only way I have to talk to you.” Stiles chuckles darkly. “I bet you’re amazing. Of course you’re amazing and I don’t get to see you.”

 He sighs. Laura is waiting in the hallway outside with his father and Scott. He wants to go back to them but at the same time he doesn’t want to face them. A part of him wishes he never woke up in his soulmate’s body because now he knows exactly what happened to him.

 Stiles would rather not know because he has to return to it. The time creeps closer and a deep fear rests inside him. How can he go back to nothingness?

∞

 Stiles smiles when his dad comes back into the room. “Good talk?” he asks.

 “Yeah.”

 “I’m sure he’s a great guy,” John says.

 “Yeah. Well. You’ll be the one to actually meet him.”

 John steps close to him and grips his shoulder. “I’ll tell him about you,” he promises. “Including all the things you got up to in high school.”

 Stiles laughs. “Don’t! He’ll think I’m terrible!”

 John chuckles, and then loud sniffs fill the air and he’s wiping the back of his hand against his cheeks.

 “Oh dad,” Stiles says, standing up. “I’ll be fine.”

 “Stiles… how is any of this _fine_?”

 Stiles swallows. “I’m scared,” he admits in a whisper.

 “I know,” John says. Scott and Laura come into the room and they all turn towards the clock. The body swap only lasts twenty-four hours. They have ten minutes. Stiles looks at his own body. He looks down at his soulmate’s hands (they’re strong and soft all at once) and his heart beats wildly.

 John wraps him in another hug, and Scott comes up behind him. He feels warm and safe but his legs are about to fail him. He’s crying into his dad’s clothes and there’s someone stroking his hair. Stiles refuses to know exactly how much time he has left.

 “I don’t want to go,” he says, voice muffled against his dad’s shirt, and they hold him tighter. He tries to say one more time that he loves them both – but a tingling, sweeping sensation falls over his body and the words don’t come out.


	2. Chapter 2

 Derek comes to and there are arms holding him so tight that he can’t breathe. He’s lightheaded, vision blurry, and he struggles against the bodies on either side of him.

 “Let go,” he says. “Let go.”

 Derek falls to the ground, and on his knees, he throws up. His throat burns and when his stomach is no longer turning he leans back against the wall, breathing heavily. His eyes slowly focus on the figures in front of him.

 “Derek?” Laura rushes to him, her cool hands on his cheek. She brushes his hair from his face. “Are you okay?”

 He doesn’t answer her, and he looks at the two strangers that are staring at him. They both look like they’ve been crying. Derek squeezes his eyes shut. What the fuck just happened to him? He was lying in his own bed, nervous, waiting, and then he felt suffocated. His body hurt, his head hurt, he could hear voices and he couldn’t _move_.

 Derek sits there, his hands shaking, and eventually he figures out that he’s still alive. He’s in a hospital room, though. That’s never a good thing.

 “Help me,” he says, voice rough, and Laura helps him get to his feet. Derek sways and then he sees the body lying unconscious on the hospital bed. He was in there. That’s his soulmate. Derek quickly looks away. “I want to go home. Please.”

 Laura nods, and he walks past the two strangers that he doesn’t know, still holding onto her arm.

 “Are you sure you shouldn’t see a doctor?” she says.

 “I’m fine.”

 “Derek.”

 He looks at her wide, worried eyes and then away again. “I’m fine,” he says, desperate to get away.

 “Wait,” the older man says. Derek turns slowly and the man takes a step closer to him. “I’m John. Stiles’ father. I’m sure your sister will explain everything to you – but when you’re ready I’d like to meet you properly.”

 Derek finally nods. His head is still spinning, and he needs to get away. He isn’t exactly sure what happened but he suddenly longs for yesterday when he was excited and dreaming of love.

∞

 When Derek arrives back at his parent’s house his family are quiet and worried. They probably know more about what happened than he does but he doesn’t want to talk to them. He shuts the door to his old bedroom and collapses on his bed, body shaking.

 He’s too fucking scared to even close his eyes.

 An hour or so later, Derek hears a knock on the door. “I brought some tea,” Laura says, stepping in. She ignores him when he tells her to go away. “Hey, don’t be like that. Move over.”

 Derek sighs.

 “Derek, come on, move over,” she says, and he grudgingly makes room for her on the bed. Laura sits down and places a pillow on her lap. She smiles gently, and Derek thinks she looks tired. Her makeup is smudged and her eyes are bloodshot.

 Derek puts his head on the pillow and Laura runs her fingers through his hair soothingly.

 “What happened?” he manages, after long minutes have passed.

 “Your soulmate is in a coma,” she says. “You still swapped bodies.”

 Derek is still trembling. His body doesn’t feel like it’s his own anymore, like if he tried to move his hand, or speak, or smile, nothing would happen. He can still feel the darkness pressing in on him.

 “I’m sorry,” Laura whispers. “Do you want to hear about him?”

 “Yeah,” he croaks.

 “His name is Stiles,” she says. “He’s been in a coma for over a year now after a car accident. I thought he was acting so _weird_ when he woke up here. He was jumpy and unsure and didn’t say much.”

 Derek’s heart breaks. His soulmate must have been so confused and scared, and to know that he had lost a year of his life can’t have been easy. Derek is lucky. He only had one day of unconsciousness.

 “I spent most of the day in the hospital,” Laura says. “I wanted to make sure that you weren’t alone. But Stiles’ friends and his dad got to talk to him again for one day. You gave them that.”

 Derek doesn’t feel any better because it’s not like he had a choice. He remembers waiting in his room, his legs starting to lose feeling almost pleasantly, and then it felt like a building had collapsed in on him.

 “Stiles,” he says, feeling the name on his tongue. “Did he seem nice?”

 “Yeah,” Laura says. She chuckles. “He thought you were handsome.”

 Derek isn’t sure what his soulmate looks like. He saw him but so much was going through his head that he didn’t really _see_ anything. But it doesn’t matter. Stiles is in a coma. It’s ended between them before it even begun.

 He closes his eyes with his sister’s fingers still moving through his hair. Derek drifts to sleep but he can’t shake the deep ache he feels for his soulmate, knowing that he woke up from that hell only to go right back to it.

∞

 Derek wakes up in a sweat. His fingers grip the sheets and he only calms when he recognizes his old bedroom around him. He shrugs off his jacket and only then does he see a crumpled piece of paper in his pocket that wasn’t there before.

_Derek,_

_I would have loved to meet you. I’m sorry that it didn’t happen and that you ended up stuck in my stupid body. I hope you don’t remember today, but I’m guessing that you do because I remember things that I wish I didn’t._

_I’m so fucking scared. I don’t know who else to tell. I’m scared that my dad isn’t going to cope by himself. I’m scared that I’ll never wake up and that I’ll spend the rest of my life in a hospital bed, vaguely aware of everything around me and that’s it._

_And I’m so angry that I don’t get to meet you properly! I want you to know all about me and I want to know all about you – but I’ll guess we’ll remain a mystery to each other. There’s so much going through my head but all I can think to tell you about myself is that I love the_ Harry Potter _books and that I’m really bad at lacrosse._

_Anyway. I know today probably sucked, but because of you my dad and my friends could see me again. I’m forever grateful that they could have that, and that I could say goodbye to them._

_I don’t want to ask you for anything but there’s just one thing. If my dad asks you what it’s like in there, if he wants to know if I’m in pain – please lie to him. Tell him and my friends it’s just like sleeping._

_Thank you. Stiles._

 The paper in Derek’s hands feels so heavy. He’s grateful that Stiles wrote to him on his last day, but he wants more. So many people in the world find their soulmate and live a whole life together. So many people get to share at least one happy moment.

 But Derek has just one letter with sadness and fear dripping from every word.

 Derek may not have his soulmate, but Stiles doesn’t either _and_ he’s in a coma. Derek just knows that Stiles is stronger than he is, having to go through that day and know he’d never see the sunlight again.

∞

 His family are tiptoeing around him, whispering to each other and trying to get him to eat. Derek takes time off work and sleeps a few hours every night, only to wake up shivering and wondering if he’s truly conscious.

 It’s been a week since his twenty-second birthday, and it takes that long before he has the courage to go back to the hospital. Derek sneaks out like he’s a teenager again, avoiding his family, and the closer he gets to the hospital the more determined he is to make sure that Stiles isn’t lonely.

 Derek is the only one who knows what it’s like in there. He thinks he could try to comfort him.

 “Hello,” Derek says. The old lady at the reception looks at him. “I’m looking for Stiles’ room. He’s in a coma.”

 Her eyes turn wide under her glasses and she gasps. “Are you the soulmate?”

 Derek nods. He doesn’t want to make this a big deal – he just wants to see him. He kind of hates himself for going a whole week without knowing what Stiles really looks like.

 She smiles sadly at him. “Oh honey,” she says. “I’m sorry.”

 Derek keeps his lips pressed together.

 “Let me show you to his room,” she says, getting to her feet. “The doctors would like to speak to you.”

 “Okay,” Derek says, but he doesn’t really know if he wants to answer their questions.

 He follows her quietly and she leaves him alone in Stiles’ room. Derek’s heart seizes when he sees him lying there on the bed, his face pale and his eyelashes delicate over his face. Derek takes a step closer.

 He looks lovely – sick, yes, but still very lovely.

 “Hi,” Derek breathes. He’s looking at his _soulmate_ , but he doesn’t dare touch him. “We’re soulmates. You and me.”

 Stiles has moles scattered over his cheeks and jaw that Derek didn’t see before. His nose is upturned and kind of adorable. Derek sees him and just like that he refuses to believe that they don’t get anything else. He doesn’t understand how soulmates work – no one does – but the universe wouldn’t be so cruel to have them be so close but never meet.

 “This isn’t it,” he says, and he’s never been so sure of anything in his life. “You are going to wake up, and I’ll be here when you do.”

 The door clicks open and Derek startles, turning to see two young doctors walk in. Their faces are eager, they clearly know exactly who he is, and all Derek wants to do is run away.

 “You’re in an incredibly unique situation,” says Dr Nichols. “There’s so much we don’t know about Mr. Stilinski’s condition that we hope you can tell us about. There’s no record of something like this happening before and there’s so much we can learn from your experience.”

 Derek is distracted and he looks back at his soulmate. He’s not sure he can keep his eyes away.

 Dr Nichols hesitates. “Do you remember?”

 “Yes,” Derek says absently. He’s already making plans in his head of what he’s going to do to make this easier for Stiles. He can visit every day after work. He could talk to him… when Derek was in his body he could hear voices. He doesn’t really know what anyone _said_ but it was something.

 “Is it okay if we ask you a few questions?”

 Derek looks at them. “Will it help him?”

 “Of course,” Dr Nichols says. The young man beside her nods.

 “Do you think he will wake up?” Derek asks bluntly. He watches the doctors glance at each other.

 “It’s unlikely,” Dr Nichols says gently.

 Derek’s throat goes dry. “But you can make him more comfortable?” he asks, and they nod. “He’s in pain. Mostly in his head and back but it felt like it was everywhere. Don’t tell his family – he doesn’t want them to know that he’s hurting.”

 They want to know more but Derek can’t talk to them right now. He takes a few steps closer to the bed and he just _looks_ at him. Derek wants to know the color of his eyes. He bets they’re beautiful.

∞

 Derek brings a book with him. He’s – he’s not much for talking but he wants Stiles to hear his voice. He told the doctors a few days ago that he could hear things while in Stiles’ body (they asked him hundreds of questions) and that he knew when his sister was there with him. Maybe Stiles will know that Derek is there for him now.

 “I know you probably don’t know what I’m saying,” Derek says, “But I thought we could start with _Harry Potter_. You said that you liked it, and, um, I’ve only read the first one. The snakes and spiders in the second book scared me too much to finish it.”

 He feels stupid admitting it out loud, and his cheeks flush, but it’s better than nothing. Derek begins to read and his voice is stilted, awkward. He keeps on going.

∞

 “You read to him?” Laura asks.

 “Yes.”

 “Derek. You’ve been there every day for the last two months,” Laura says.

 Derek clenches his teeth together. He’s already had this conversation with his mother and he really doesn’t need it again. He’s aware of how much time has passed since his birthday. It’s not like he can forget it.

 “Maybe it’s time to move on,” she says, and she flinches when Derek glares at her.

 “He’s my soulmate,” he says. “What do you expect me to do?”

 Laura looks at him steadily. “The doctors say he’s not going to wake up.”

 “That doesn’t mean anything. I want him to know he’s not alone,” Derek says, turning away from her. He puts the fourth _Harry Potter_ book in his bag. He’s going back to the hospital. He’s going to meet up with John – he said he’d bring photos with him this time. Derek’s looking forward to it more than he can say.

 “What was it like?”

 He stills. Her voice is gentler than he expects from her asking that question. “You mean –” Derek stops.

 “Yeah,” she says softly. “On your birthday.”

 He slowly meets her gaze, but he can’t say anything. Derek has mentioned a few things to her, but not a lot, being careful with his words. It’s too painful to say out loud everything that had happened, including what was written in Stiles’ letter, and Derek isn’t a wordsmith. He wouldn’t know how to describe it even if he tried.

 “It’s just,” Laura says, brushing her hair behind her ears. “I thought that you wouldn’t be alone anymore. And you still are.”

 “Laura,” he says gently, walking over to her. He kisses her forehead. “I know you’re worried about how I’m spending my time, but I know, _I know_ , that Stiles is going to wake up. It might take months but I don’t care. And then I won’t be alone.”

 “Derek…”

 Derek glances at his watch. “I have to go before visiting hours are over.”

 She smiles weakly at him, and Derek leaves.

∞

 John gets to his feet when Derek comes into the hospital room. He shakes Derek’s hand even though they’ve met several times already. It’s a weird situation – meeting your soulmate’s father before you’ve meet your soulmate.

 “How are you, Derek?”

 Derek smiles at him. “I’m good, thanks. How are you?”

 John glances at Stiles lying on the bed. “Okay.” He shakes his head and lifts a small book. “I brought some photos.”

 Derek nods and his fingers twitch by his sides. John has been kind to him, telling him stories of Stiles growing up, and Derek drinks up every word. But now there are _photos_.

 “Um,” John says, starting with a photo of a woman with a wide smile. “That’s my soulmate when she was pregnant with Stiles. She loved him so much.” He turns the page. “And here he is at his first day of school – it was a nightmare, he screamed and screamed and wouldn’t let us leave.”

 Derek chuckles. “My sister was the same, but I loved school.”

 John points at the next photo. “This is Stiles at the school play, and then playing lacrosse – oh and this is at his senior prom.” Stiles is moving wildly on the dance floor but his face is covered by his hair. John is smiling, but when Derek glances at him his eyes are wet. “And here is a photo taken a few days before his accident.”

 Stiles beams at the camera, his smile wide and his eyes almost glittering. He’s incredibly gorgeous and _alive_ and Derek’s heart skips a beat. He didn’t even know that Stiles’ eyes were brown.

 Derek reaches out to touch but he stops himself. John glances at him. “You can keep that one,” he says. “If you want.”

 Derek pulls his hand back. “Oh,” he says. “That’s okay. You might want it.”

 John raises an eyebrow. “Take it, son. I have the digital copies and I can easily get another one printed.”

 “Thank you,” Derek says, and he carefully takes the photo. He studies it for a few seconds and then he looks back at Stiles lying in the bed, breathing slowly. Derek longs for a conversation with him. He longs for the person in the bed to be the person in the photo.

 “Derek,” John says carefully. His gaze is steady and kind. “You know you’re welcome here and in Stiles’ life. You’re his soulmate. I – I can’t imagine what you’re feeling about all of this, but –”

 “John.”

 He keeps on going. “Stiles has been in that hospital bed for months and months now, and at the beginning I was sure he was going to wake up too. But I’ve accepted that it’s unlikely to happen, and no one would blame you if you wanted something else for your life.”

 Derek brushes his thumb over Stiles’ photo. He’s tied to him forever now after that day in his body.

 “Thank you,” Derek says. “But I’m not going anywhere.”

∞

 Derek can’t stop staring at the photo. Stiles’ bright, brown eyes jump from the page and he can suddenly see what their life might have been like together. Derek wonders what it would have been like to take him on a date, to hear his laugh, to hold him in his arms.

 “Stiles,” Derek whispers, into the empty room. It’s late and the lights are dimmed. “I know I haven’t spoken to you much about me… but I’m waiting for when you wake up. I can’t wait to know you – to talk to you properly.”

 Stiles’ eyelids look like they’re fluttering, but they never open.

 “I hope you like me,” Derek says. He tries not to think about how he might be wrong about Stiles waking one day, and that all he'll have of him are photographs, stories, and a body on a bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and for all your comments on the first chapter <3 It means a lot to me. I'm happy that you're all liking the story (and the angst).


	3. Chapter 3

 Stiles’ eyelids are heavy, but the fight feels like it’s over. He tries to move and his bones crack, his muscles ache, and a pained noise leaves his lips. But Stiles knows he’s alive because the hurt has never been this bad.

 He stills when he hears soft, steady breaths in the room, and Stiles blinks his eyes open. He sees a head of hair at the edge of the bed. He sees parted lips, closed eyes, and an angled nose. He sees dark eyelashes, harsh eyebrows, and a beautiful jawline. Stiles feels suddenly calm.

 “Derek,” he says, voice scratchy. “Derek.”

 He doesn’t wake and Stiles panics for a second, scared that his illness is contagious. He wants to reach out and shake Derek awake – he looks so uncomfortable hunched over the bed, and Stiles needs someone to look at him and tell him he’s not dreaming – but he can’t get rid of the feeling that nothing will happen if he tries to move.

 Stiles takes a deep breath but there’s still a thunderstorm inside his chest. He makes himself move his hand, dragging it across Derek’s shoulder and feeling the skin warm through his white shirt.

 Derek jerks up. “Sorry,” he says, rubbing his face. “I fell asleep…”

 Stiles looks at him. They look at each other. And then, like he’s finally waking from a dream, Derek’s green eyes widen.

 “Stiles?” he whispers.

 “Derek.”

 Derek visibly breathes in. “You know me?”

 “I remember our birthday,” he says.

 Derek’s gaze is awed and it looks like he’s seeing something magical. Stiles flushes under the attention, and he knows they both thought that this moment would never come.

 “How long has it been?” Stiles says, voice shaky.

 Derek’s eyes soften. “Six months.”

 Stiles turns away, and even though his body screams he thrashes around on the bed. He wants to yell, he wants to cry, and hot tears do fall down his cheeks. So much of his life has disappeared and he wonders why the hell his soulmate has been waiting so long for him to wake up.

 “Hey,” Derek says, and there’s a light touch to Stiles’ hand. “I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that so soon, but please, don’t hurt yourself.”

 Stiles stops moving. He curls himself into a ball, and away from Derek.

 “I’ll get the nurse,” Derek says gently. His voice is like butter. “And I’ll call your dad.”

 Stiles nods. He wants to turn around and look at Derek, but he doesn’t. He just stares at the wall and tries desperately hard not to close his eyes.

∞

 The doctors run all sorts of tests on him, and through it all Derek waits at the edge of the room and doesn’t get in the way. Stiles’ eyes are pulled to him like a magnet and every time he catches Derek’s eye he receives a small smile.

 “Hi,” Derek says, when they’re alone, and the breath he lets out betrays his nerves. He takes a step forward and he’s much more handsome than Stiles remembers. Stiles doesn’t want to know what Derek thinks of him. He can’t even _walk_.

 Stiles opens his mouth, searching for something to say to his soulmate, but then the door bursts open and his dad appears with a watery smile.

 “Stiles, you’re awake,” he says. He rushes to the hospital bed and clutches Stiles’ hands.

 “Dad,” Stiles says, and he has flashbacks to them standing outside their house six months ago and being so sure that they would never see each other again. “I’m okay. I’m okay.”

 John laughs. “I can’t believe it.” He hugs Stiles gently and then pulls back. He doesn’t look so old anymore. “Don’t do that to me again, kid.”

 Stiles rolls his eyes good naturedly and he puts on a smile, trying not to show that his body is aching from disuse or that he’s heartbroken from missing out on over a year of his life. His dad looks like he’s been handed a miracle.

 Derek clears his throat. “I should go,” he says, already wearing his coat. He’s still looking at Stiles like he’s something wonderful. Stiles doesn’t think anyone’s looked at him that way before.

 John turns towards him. “You don’t have to leave, son.”

 Derek shakes his head. “It’s late. You two should have some time together,” he says, and then he turns to Stiles. “I’ll come back tomorrow.”

 Stiles nods eagerly and watches him leave, his promise hanging in the air. Derek looks over his shoulder one last time and then the door clicks shut.

 “He’s a good guy,” John says with a smile.

 “Really?” Stiles says. His body feels warm.

 John nods. “Yeah.”

 “I had no idea what to say to him,” Stiles says hurriedly, and talking about Derek is a great distraction from everything else. “And he’s supposed to be my soulmate.”

 “Being soulmates doesn’t make everything easy,” John says, but then his eyes turn sad. “I don’t suppose I need to tell you that.”

 Stiles smiles weakly. “What – what’s he like?”

 “Stubborn,” John huffs. But then he smiles. “He didn’t give up on you.”

 Stiles settles back on the pillows. He honestly thought that he had no future and he can’t comprehend Derek wanting to wait for him without an end in sight. He can’t deny that he’s pleased though – his soulmate cared enough to stay.

 “It’s been a long time,” John says quietly, his eyes on Stiles’ face. He tells Stiles how many months it’s been since he woke up in Derek’s body, and it’s a good thing that Derek already told him – he doesn’t break down and his dad doesn’t have to see him cry.

∞

 Stiles fights closing his eyes for as long as he can, but he’s so aware of every way his body is broken that he wants to forget it with sleep. He drifts off with the fear that he only dreamt awaking from his coma, and he jerks awake each time the nurses come and check on him in the night.

 Derek is there in the early morning. His eyes are bright even though he can’t have slept much, and he shrugs off his coat before stepping towards the bed.

 “You’re still here,” he breathes.

 Stiles stretches his toes underneath the sheets. “I don’t think I’m going anywhere anytime soon.”

 “I thought that last night was all in my head,” he says. “But it’s not.”

 Derek seems incapable of looking anywhere but at him, and Stiles would squirm under the attention but his pulse quickens and he’s staring right back. Derek is gorgeous.

 Most people say that meeting their soulmate is like pieces falling into place, everything easy, but they’ve had such a bad start that Stiles doesn’t know what to say. He watches Derek sit down on the chair he’s probably spent the last six months in.

 “I’m sorry,” Stiles blurts out.

 Derek raises both eyebrows. “What for?”

 Stiles gestures with his hands. “You know,” he says, and he huffs when Derek waits for him to explain. “I put you through hell, and then you had to wait for me.”

 “It wasn’t your fault,” Derek says simply. “And I didn’t mind waiting for you.”

 Stiles shakes his head. Derek shouldn’t have had to do that, and he feels guilty because Derek could have been waiting forever – waiting for nothing.

 “Stiles,” Derek says, shuffling forward on the chair. His hands are clasped together in front of him. “Those six months – well, they weren’t easy but I’ve already waited for you my whole life. I could have waited a lot longer.”

 Stiles sighs.

 “I just want to know you,” Derek says, his teeth peeking out from behind his lips. “That’s all.”

 Stiles stares at him hopelessly. The truth is that he wants to know his soulmate too. He wants to know _Derek,_ the man sitting right in front of him.

 “Okay,” Stiles says, voice rough. Derek’s smile blooms on his face. “My dad told you about me?”

 “Yeah. A bit.”

 “Your sister didn’t say much about you,” Stiles says, “Just that you were grumpy.”

 Derek flushes. “Not – not all the time,” he says, rubbing at his stubble, and then he catches the teasing look in Stiles’ eye. “Oh.”

 Stiles chuckles. “She said other things too.”

 “Good,” Derek grumbles, and then he glances at his watch. His eyes turn apologetic. “I have to go to work – I work at a consulting company. But I wanted to see you again.”

 “Come back tomorrow?” Stiles asks, hopeful.

 “Of course,” he says, and Stiles thinks that his soulmate might be the silver lining to all of this.

 ∞

 Stiles’ first physical therapy session goes nowhere – and then the next one is just as worse. The doctors say he could walk again, but Stiles doesn’t see how that’s possible when he can’t take a single step and everything he does leaves him exhausted.

 They say it’s going to take time, but time feels so precious to him now that he’s lost so much of it.

 Scott’s grin is infinite when he visits. “I couldn’t believe it when I heard,” he says, wrapping Stiles in an awkward hug from the edge of the bed. “My best friend is back.”

 Stiles shrugs and smiles, and he tries not to feel like he’s a different person in a very different body. “Yeah,” he says. “It’s good to be back.”

 His dad visits and he’s so happy to have his son back that Stiles can’t bring himself to mention the constant ache in his bones, or the scattered memories of the last year, or his frustration because he can’t do anything on his own. Stiles makes sure to smile, and he tries to convince his dad that everything’s okay.

∞

 “We’re so happy to see that you’re awake now, Stiles,” Talia says. He’s struggling to look her in the eye – he let them believe everything was fine when it wasn’t. Derek’s family were so excited to meet his soulmate, but they got this mess instead.

 Laura has a basket of gifts in her arms. “Well,” she says. “Looks like you are good looking.”

 Stiles flushes. “Thanks?” he says, and Derek gives his sister an exasperated look.

 Laura shrugs. Stiles isn’t sure if she looks the same or different – his memories from that day are either fuzzy or painfully sharp. Her dark features make her look a lot like her brother, though.

 Talia clears her throat. “We’d love for you to come by the house,” she says.

 Stiles’ throat goes dry. “Maybe when I’m feeling better.”

 “Of course,” she says quickly.

 Stiles doesn’t want to go back there. The hospital is bad enough, but their house was where the confusion and the panic started. That was where he saw his soulmate in the mirror and he realized that something was so very wrong.

 They don’t stay long. Stiles presses his hands against his eyes until he sees stars, and he can feel the anxiety crawling up his throat as the day comes back to him, as he remembers realizing that there was a deadline on his life.

 “Hey,” Derek says, and Stiles jolts. He didn’t hear him come back into the room. “You don’t have to go to the house if you don’t want to.”

 Stiles stares at him. His head feels like it’s on fire. “I – I don’t mind.”

 Derek offers him a smile. “Okay,” he says, not arguing.

 Stiles swallows. “They were really kind to me.”

 “I’m glad,” he says. Stiles wants to ask Derek what that day was like for him, but that’s something he’s not sure if he wants to know.

∞

 Derek comes in every day, before or after work, and today he has sunflowers tucked under his arm. They’re beautiful but Stiles is so _tired._ He can’t bring himself to say thank you.

 “Hey,” Derek says with a yawn. “How are you?”

 “Good,” Stiles says.

 “How was therapy yesterday?” he asks, arranging the flowers on the window sill in the morning light.

 Stiles shrugs. “I fell over.”

 Derek turns to him. He doesn’t look panicked which is nice – just concerned. “You okay?”

 “Yep,” Stiles says, throwing him a smile. Derek doesn’t look convinced and his eyebrows scrunch together. “I’m fine,” Stiles insists.

 “You always say that,” Derek finally tells him. He gives Stiles an odd look, and then says, “You don’t have to be okay, you know.”

 “I – I know that,” he says, but he’s stumbling over his words and he’s wondering how Derek can see straight through him.

 Maybe he knows that the pain in his body can’t have just gone away. Maybe he’s seen the way his smile drops once his friends have left the room. Derek stands there with his arms folded, and he pulls the words out of Stiles without even trying.

 “Um,” Stiles says.

 Derek waits.

 “I hate it here!” he says. “I want to go home. I can’t do anything by myself and I _hate_ it.”

 The bright, yellow flowers stare out at him from the window sill almost mockingly and Derek sits by the bed and listens to him talk about needing help to go to the bathroom, about the slow, slow progress of physical therapy, about how the drugs cloud his mind more than they hide his pain.

 Stiles looks away bitterly. “It’s just that everyone calls me waking up a fucking miracle, but I don’t see that. A drunk driver hit my car. I’m still broken even though I’m awake.”

 “Surely it is a miracle,” Derek says, voice soft. “You could still be in a coma.”

 “No,” Stiles says, shaking his head, his hands in fists. “No. I shouldn’t be in a hospital at all. Everyone calls our birthday a miracle, too. But it wasn’t. It was terrifying.”

 Derek’s shoulders stiffen. “Yeah,” he finally says.

 “The only truly good thing about that day,” Stiles says, “Was that I learned your name and I saw your face.”

 Derek stares back at him and his gaze is endless. They don’t really talk about that day, even though Stiles constantly thinks about how it must have been for Derek, even though he thinks Derek’s crazy for still being here after six months.

 “When do the doctors say you can go home?” Derek says eventually.

 “Maybe a few weeks from now,” Stiles says. “But I’ll have to come back for therapy.”

 “I can take you there,” Derek says too quickly, always wanting to help, and Stiles smiles genuinely.

 “You have work,” he points out, and then he glances at the clock on the wall. “And you’re going to be late today.”

 Derek shrugs, but he gets to his feet and puts on his coat. He reaches out his hand and the tips of his fingers almost brush against Stiles’ cheek. Stiles holds his breath, but he doesn’t feel Derek’s touch.

 Derek’s ears go red and he ducks his head. Without another word he leaves the room and Stiles wishes he had caught Derek’s hand in his own. He’s always sitting by the bed but he hardly ever comes near, like he’s too afraid to touch his soulmate, like he doesn’t know that Stiles wants him to.

∞

 “Someone wants to talk to you,” his dad says, and he passes over the phone. Stiles gives him a wary look and he puts the phone to his ear. His dad leaves the room.

 “Hello?” he says.

 “Stiles? It’s me – Lydia.” Her voice comes out in a rush.

 “Oh my god,” he says, startled. Talking to Lydia was the last thing he expected. “I can’t believe you’re studying at Cambridge. That’s so far away.”

 She sniffs. “Yeah, well, maybe it’s too far away.”

 Stiles sighs.

 “I’m _so_ sorry,” she says, and Stiles’ body goes cold because he’s never heard her cry before. Stiles holds the phone even tighter. “I should have been there on your birthday. Everyone talked about the possibility of you coming back, but I thought it was wishful thinking.”

 “Lydia,” Stiles says. “It’s okay.” He never blamed her for not being there.

 “No, it’s not,” she says firmly. “I should have been there. If there was any chance you’d come back I should have been there for it.”

 Stiles chews at his lip. “Lydia,” he says. “My soulmate might have lived in Australia or something. Then you would have come over for nothing.”

 She huffs a laugh. It’s good to hear her voice – they did so much together in high school, ganging up on teachers and negotiating better grades. “What’s your soulmate like?” she asks.

 Stiles glances at the door. Derek has a habit of always, always being there. “I really like him,” he whispers. “He doesn’t expect anything of me. He’s just glad to talk to me.”

“He sounds great,” Lydia says, and Stiles can still hear her sniffs. “I still have my exams, and then I’ve got an internship over here, but as soon as I can I’ll be on the first plane to see you.”

 “Looking forward to it, Lyds,” he says.

∞

 Stiles wears his own clothes and his dad and Melissa drive him to the house. There’s a new ramp up to the door for his wheelchair, and the guest bedroom at the bottom of the stairs has been set up for him. It’s not the same as he remembers, but something settles in his chest.

 He’s back home _._

 Stiles steps out of the car on his own, legs shaky, and he sits himself in the wheelchair. His dad squeezes his shoulder from behind him.

 “It’s good to have you back, Stiles,” he says. “The house has been quiet without you.”

 “It looks different,” he says.

 “We painted it last year,” Melissa says, and it’s kind of strange that she’s living with them now. His dad has never had a woman stay the night before, but she’s been here for months.

 Stiles wheels himself up to the front door and he still doesn’t have the freedoms he longs for, but at least he no longer has to humiliate himself when he wants to go to the bathroom. He can manage that on his own.

 “I’m working at the station part-time,” John says. “But if I’m not here then Melissa will be, or Scott, or Scott's soulmate.”

 Stiles nods, and he tries to ignore the way it feels like they’re babysitting him. He waits for his dad to unlock the front door and even inside the house things look different… the old rocking chair is gone and the painting of the sunrise over the coast has disappeared.

 His stomach twists each time he notices how much time has passed.

 “What about Derek?” he asks, turning his head over his shoulder.

 John smiles at him. “Yes, he’ll be here too. Mostly in the evenings.”

 “Good,” Stiles says absently.

 “You like him then?” Melissa asks. “He’s very handsome.”

 Stiles grins at her. “He’s okay.”

 John chuckles behind him. “You know, he visited you every day while you were still in a coma,” he says. “Every day.”

 “W-what?” Stiles says, and he tries to twist around in the wheelchair so that he can look at his father. “You’re joking.”

 John shakes his head. Stiles feels a rush of disbelief pass over his skin and then he goes cold. It’s one thing to wait – to believe that Stiles might wake up – but to visit every day? That’s absurd.

 ∞

 Stiles sits in the passenger side of the car, the window down and his wheelchair in the back. Derek’s driving him home from his weekend therapy session, and even though Stiles likes him in faded jeans and a forest green sweater he can’t stop glaring at him.

 “What’s wrong?” Derek asks evenly.

 “Nothing,” Stiles says. Derek’s eyes flicker towards his and then go back to the road.

 Stiles presses his lips together and then stares out the window. He’s always moody after therapy, the pain in his muscles more obvious, but right now he can’t stop thinking about Derek visiting him every damn day.

 Stiles knows that he visited – he remembers Derek’s soft voice as he fought his way through his dreams – but there was _nothing_ for Derek there. He wasted so much of his time and it makes Stiles’ skin burn with frustration.

 Derek kills the engine but neither of them move to get out of the car. Derek’s hands rest on his thighs and he clenches the keys in his hand.

 “You’re mad at me,” Derek says.

 “No,” Stiles lies.

 Derek narrows his eyes. “Oh yeah?” he says. “Then why have you been glaring at me all day?”

 Stiles grits his teeth together.

 “What did I do?” Derek says, his voice almost breaking, and Stiles sighs. The last thing he wants is for Derek to be upset – he’s just inexplicably mad. Stiles turns and gives him a desperate look.

 “Dad said you visited me every day when I was in a coma,” he says quietly.

 Derek stares at him. His features are even on his face and they give nothing away. “Yes,” he finally says.

 “ _Why?_ ”

 “Because you’re my soulmate.”

 “That doesn’t make sense!” Stiles yells. “There was nothing for you coming to visit my stupid, broken body every fucking day – you could have been doing literally anything else with your time. Why the hell would you stop living your life to come and see me? It’s stupid. You were _stupid_.”

 Derek flinches.

 “I could have been in that bed for _years_ ,” Stiles says, breathing heavily. “You didn’t know me. Why would you throw away your life like that?”

 Derek’s gaze is harsh and angry. “I didn’t throw away my life.”

 “Yeah, only because I woke up!”

 “Yes,” Derek snaps. “You woke up. I knew you would.”

 Stiles shakes his head. “It’s impossible to know that kind of thing.”

 “I don’t understand why you’re so upset,” Derek says through his teeth.

 “Derek,” Stiles says, “I didn’t have a choice being stuck in that hospital. You did. Yeah, you lost your soulmate before you even met them, but you still could’ve had a wonderful life.” He licks his lips. “You were gonna waste it on me. I’m mad at you for that.”

 Derek’s jaw hardens, and his chest rises and falls. They’ve never truly argued before and Stiles knows that Derek has been so generous towards him, _but he shouldn’t have._ They’re soulmates, yes, but considering the circumstances Derek shouldn’t have tied himself to him.

 “Stiles,” Derek says quietly. His turns away. “I was inside your body.”

 “Y-yeah? So?” Stiles says, but he’s caught out by the sudden sadness in Derek’s voice.

 “I felt what you felt,” he says, eyelashes cast down on his face. “Maybe it was different, I don’t know, but it was…” Derek shudders like he’s physically going through it again. “I wanted to forget it.”

 Stiles stares at him.

 “But it was better when someone’s voice was there to anchor me,” he says, clearing his throat. His eyes are pleading when he looks at Stiles again, just willing him to understand. “I couldn’t let you lie there and suffer on your own knowing that I could help, even if it was in the smallest way.”

 Stiles’ heart seizes in his chest. “Oh,” he says. Derek was doing it for him – of course he was.

 Derek hesitates. “Could you hear me when I read to you?”

 “Yeah,” Stiles murmurs, eyes darting over his face. “But I didn’t really know what you said.”

 “That’s okay,” he says, but he seems relieved that Stiles heard his voice at all.

 “What were you reading?”

 “ _Harry Potter._ ”

 Stiles can’t help the burst of laughter that comes out of his mouth. He doesn’t think he’s laughed since he woke up, and of course it’s Derek that got it out of him.

 “I didn’t have much to go on,” he mutters, sitting back on his seat. His lips are turned down and he looks ridiculously cute. Stiles wants to kiss him.

 He sighs. “I’m sorry.”

 Derek smiles gently at him. “It’s fine.”

 “Thank you,” Stiles says, and while it hurts to know that his body caused Derek pain he’s glad that someone understands. Derek can’t know everything – he hasn’t lost well over a year of his life – but he knows enough.

∞

 Stiles lets go of the anger now that he knows the reasons why Derek did what he did. He feels like he’s had a glimpse into Derek’s heart and he likes what he sees. He likes it a lot.

 Like a camera lens moving into focus, Stiles is more aware of Derek around him than ever.  He knows which set of footsteps belong to Derek, he can feel the weight of Derek’s gaze on the back of his neck, and he knows exactly the distance between their hands when they sit together on the couch.

 But even though they’re soulmates there are still only careful smiles. Stiles is still recovering. He’s still trying to come to terms with what his body can do and how far he has to go.

 “We should get out of the house,” Derek murmurs. “Go and see a movie.”

 Stiles bites his lip. “I don’t want to go out in the wheelchair.”

 Derek glances at him. “How about the drive-in?” he says easily. “We don’t have to get out of the car.”

 Stiles lets out a breath. “Okay,” he says, and Derek’s eyes light up.

 The next night Derek drives them to see _Star Wars_ and he gets out of the car to buy them snacks. Stiles is left in the dark, nervous, excited, and wondering if this is a date. It’s probably not, but at least they’re spending time together away from the hospital and all the appointments.

 “I love this film,” Stiles says when Derek comes back with the food.

 Derek passes him a tub of popcorn. “I haven’t seen it,” he says.

 Stiles stares at him in astonishment. “What.”

 Derek grins. “I wonder if I’ll like it,” he says, and then he puts a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

 “You’d better,” Stiles says. “And even if you don’t I’m going to force you to watch the next two in the trilogy.”

 “Okay,” Derek says easily. He licks his fingers. “Then we can watch the new ones.”

 Stiles grips Derek’s arm and buttery popcorn cascades to the floor. “What?” he yells. “There are more? Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

 Derek chuckles. “I’m telling you now,” he says.

 Stiles sits back in his seat and his mouth is open wide. It’s kind of the first time that he’s been excited for something and not sad that it’s already happened without him. He catches Derek smiling at him from the driver’s side and Stiles feels warm.

 The film plays on the screen, but Stiles has seen it before and he finds himself looking for Derek’s reactions instead. He daydreams about leaning over in the dark and kissing him, and he wonders if they can be together the way soulmates are written about in great love stories.

 Derek’s eyes find his easily, and Stiles blushes and turns away. He can see Derek’s tiny smirk in the corner of his eye and a part of Stiles knows that he’s not going to make a move – at least not tonight – not when he doesn’t know if Stiles is ready.

∞

 “Did you like it?” Stiles asks.

 “Yeah,” Derek says. “I liked Han Solo.” He pulls the car into Stiles’ driveway and Stiles rubs his eyes. The smallest outing makes him exhausted, even though he didn’t do much, and even though it’s been a few months since he’s been out of the hospital.

 He lets Derek guide him out of the car, a hand on his elbow, and Stiles leans into the warmth from his body. He looks up at Derek and he’s surprised to find that they’re nearly the same height.

 “Hey,” Stiles says. He rests his palms on Derek’s chest.

 “Hey,” Derek says, his eyes glittering.

 “Thanks for tonight,” Stiles whispers.

 “You’re welcome,” Derek says, and his arm winds around Stiles’ waist. He feels safe and warm, but his legs are a little wobbly and he stumbles. He flushes, and Derek immediately helps him into the waiting wheelchair.

 His dad is lying on the couch snoring gently, and so Derek takes him inside quietly and makes sure he has all he needs for the night. Stiles gets dressed on his own, and then Derek gives him a glass of water and his pills.

 “Stay,” Stiles says, sitting on the edge of the bed.

 Derek hovers in the doorway. “You sure?”

 “Mm,” Stiles says, climbing under the bedsheets. Derek eyes him hesitantly. “You can read to me.”

 “Okay,” Derek says, and there are only a few books in the guest bedroom, but he chooses one and slowly steps towards the bed. He kicks off his shoes and settles in next to Stiles.

 Stiles rests his head on the pillow and closes his eyes. He hears Derek’s soft voice and he stretches his hand across the bed until he finds Derek’s.

 Derek stumbles as he reads, but his fingers thread through Stiles’ easily. Stiles hides his smile in the pillow and he wonders if he ever felt this safe whenever Derek read to him in the hospital. It’s so different now, to doze off while listening to Derek speak, knowing that this is most definitely his soulmate’s voice.

 “Stiles,” Derek whispers.

 “Yeah?” he mumbles. The chapter has ended, and he wriggles closer to the warmth in the bed, to Derek. His eyes are too heavy to open.

 “Do you think we could go and see my family?”

 Stiles stills. He wasn’t himself when he met them last – everything had been so messed up. Stiles doesn’t want to relive his birthday, but there’s got to be a reason why Derek is asking. He forces his eyes open. Derek is looking at their entwined fingers.

 “Okay,” he manages. He wonders how long Derek has been holding onto this.

 Derek sighs. “Thank you,” he says, and he takes Stiles' hand and kisses the tips of his fingers.

∞

 “I hope they like me,” Stiles says, staring up at the dark house. It looks bigger than he remembers and his mind flashes back to going outside here and walking towards his fate.

 Derek frowns. “Why wouldn’t they?”

 “Well,” Stiles says. “You know. I’ve been avoiding this.”

 Derek raises an eyebrow. “They’d love to see you again.”

 Stiles steps outside of the car. He doesn’t want the wheelchair even though he might need it. He doesn’t want Derek’s family to think he looks broken, so he grips Derek’s arm and slowly, they walk to the house.

 Laura answers the door with her hands on her hips. “Hey,” she says.

 Stiles swallows. “Hi, Laura.”

 She gives him an odd look, but then she smiles softly. “It’s good to see you up and about.”

 Stiles huffs. “Yeah.”

 “Let him in, Laura,” Derek says, and she rolls her eyes. Laura steps to the side and Derek still holds his arm as he walks in. He sits down and he feels better once he’s off his feet.

 Stiles sees the family pictures on the walls and it’s strange to think that he was in another body the last time he was in this room.

 “Stiles!” Talia says, rushing into the room. Stiles would stand to greet her, but he doesn’t think his legs can manage it.

 He lifts his arm. “Hi,” he says.

 Talia sits next to him and takes hold of both his hands. It’s kind of overwhelming – she’s so motherly. “It’s wonderful to have you here,” she says.

 “Yeah,” Stiles says, his cheeks red. He knows it’s been a long time. “I’m sorry, I should have visited sooner –”

 She shakes her head. “You’ve gone through a lot,” Talia says. “And we would have visited again, but we didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

 Stiles takes a breath in. He doesn’t know why they’re being so nice.

 Laura grins at him from the other side of the room, and then by her side are a few familiar faces from his birthday. Stiles smiles at them as they all introduce themselves again. It’s kind of like that day all over again, but this time he looks over at Derek and he doesn’t feel so lost.

 Derek sits on his other side and passes him a hot drink. Their knees press together.

 It’s not as bad as Stiles thought it would be – Derek’s family is so big that someone is always laughing, and someone is always offering him more food when they sit down to eat. Derek’s soft smile is painfully beautiful, and Stiles wishes he’d done this sooner – at least for him.

 Stiles leans over and whispers in Derek’s ear. “Can I see your room?”

 Derek glances at him. “You sure?”

 Stiles nods.

 Derek takes his hand and leads him only a few short steps away from the kitchen. Stiles looks up at the ceiling of the room and he can see the glow and the dark stickers. He lets out a shaky breath.

 “Do you live here?” Stiles asks.

 Derek shakes his head. “It’s my old bedroom. But I stayed in here for a while after our birthday – I couldn’t really be alone.”

 Stiles gives him a puzzled look. “Where do you live now?”

 “Not far from here,” he says, “I would take you there, but I’m on the third floor and there’s no lift.”

 “Oh,” Stiles says, and he takes a wobbly step forward. It’s been months since he was in this room. It’s not as dark as he remembers, with the curtains wide open, and it’s not as scary as he thought it would be.

 He woke up on that bed still feeling paralyzed, but over there is where he saw Derek’s face for the first time.

 “It was different when I woke up in your body,” Stiles murmurs. Derek brushes his thumb over Stiles’ hand. “It was so jarring. But in the hospital, the second time, it wasn’t so bad. I think I woke up slowly.”

 Derek sighs.

 Stiles turns to Derek. “Will you take me home?”

 They say goodbye to everyone, and Laura hugs him close. She whispers in his ear. “He’s been so much happier with you in his life,” she says. “Thank you.”

 Stiles is startled when he looks back at her, but she just smiles.

 “He thinks you’re so strong,” she says, “And he loves talking to you. I think that if soulmates didn’t exist he’d find you and fall in love with you.”

 Stiles’ heart beats so loud in his chest that he’s sure everyone else can hear it. He always thought that Derek got such a shitty deal in all this, but his sister is telling him something different. Derek got his soulmate – he got Stiles.

∞

 Stiles’ thoughts are all over the place and he stares at Derek. “How did you know I was going to wake up?” he asks quietly, no trace of anger in his voice. Some part of him believes that Derek would have been waiting in that hospital for a decade if he had to.

 Derek doesn’t answer right away, and Stiles almost thinks that he didn’t hear the question. “We weren’t soulmates for nothing,” he says.

 Stiles sits up properly. He looks at him with a small frown. “It wasn’t nothing, what you had to go through,” he says. “That could have been it – that could have been us. You gave me one last day.”

 Derek slowly pulls into the driveway. His gaze is honest.

 “I knew I had to see your eyes at least once,” he says.

 Stiles flushes. “You were crazy.”

 “I was right,” Derek says, smirking playfully. His face sobers. “But it doesn’t matter. I’m here. You’re here. We’re together.”

 Stiles’ eyes trail all over his face. “Do you want me?” he says.

 “Yes.”

 Stiles looks at him almost desperately. “Even though I’m in a wheelchair?”

 “Yes,” he says firmly.

 Stiles hesitates. “And even though because of me you had the worst day of your life?”

 Derek’s eyes dart over his face. “It wasn’t the –”

 Stiles raises an eyebrow. “Derek. Please.”

 “Fine,” Derek says. “It was pretty awful, and I still have nightmares. But I don’t care because it brought me to you.” He reaches for Stiles’ hand and holds it tight. “I want you, Stiles. I think you’re beautiful, and brave, and in case you hadn’t noticed, I can’t take my eyes off you.”

Stiles flushes again. He had kind of noticed.

 “Do you, um, want to come inside?” Stiles asks, even though he always does.

 “Yeah,” Derek says softly.

 Derek helps him out of the car and when their hands brush it’s electric. They head up to the house together and Derek’s doing everything he always does but every glance seems a thousand times more urgent than it ever did before.

 Stiles walks on his own to his room, steps slow, and he sits on the edge of the bed. The sunlight streams on his face and he can hear Derek’s footsteps as he puts everything away, as he walks down the hallway, as he arrives by the door.

 “Hey,” Derek whispers, and he sits beside him, ducking his head. His lips are curved into the tiniest smile as he waits for Stiles to catch his breath.

 Stiles is still breathing heavily from the short walk, but at the same time there’s something bright inside him. Derek just waits. He’s proven that he could wait forever, and so Stiles leans over and kisses him.

 Derek expects it and he immediately deepens the kiss, his hands cradling Stiles’ face. Stiles makes a noise against his mouth, and as their tongues meet he thinks that maybe Derek’s not so patient after all.

 Derek presses their foreheads together. “I love you,” he says.

 Stiles smiles breathlessly at him. “Yeah,” he says. “Me too. I love you, too.”

 Derek kisses him again, and they carefully end up lying together on the bed. For the first time in months, the only parts of his body he’s aware of is where Derek’s hands touch his face and where Derek’s lips press against his skin and where their legs are tangled together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that starting scenes with characters waking up is lazy writing. Lol I wonder how many times I've done that in this fic.
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your kind comments <3 It's made writing this so much easier, and I hope I made this last chapter worth it for you all!!
> 
> <3<3<3

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading <3 You can find me on tumblr [here](https://matildajones.tumblr.com). I promise a happy ending!


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